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Internet Dating Joining an LGBT Friendly Club Making Friends Community Q&A Being in the closet is hard, especially when you may not know anyone going through a similar experience.

It's especially difficult seeing straight friends enjoy dating life when you are stuck wishing for a relationship.

When he showed up, he was with his friend Jess, who, aside from the people he was out with the first night I laid eyes on him, was the only person in his life I would meet during our two years and four months of on and off and on again and off again. Jess knew Shane was gay, but all it took was one sentence uttered by her while Shane was in the restroom -- "He has a lot of stuff to work through before he can be with anyone" -- to tell me she had no idea he and I were a couple.

I wondered if he'd brought her along because he didn't want to give anyone else that impression either.

I wasn't exactly sad with Shane, but our relationship was unlike any I'd been in before.

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Shane* and I were grown men, consenting adults who had been seeing each other for several months. Nobody aside from one or two close friends knew he was gay, and for the foreseeable future, he was intent on keeping it that way.

He might as well have said, "It's not them; it's me -- and you." He was still coming to terms with his sexuality and having feelings for a man, a process I understood but didn't need to experience twice.

It's not that we didn't go anywhere, but when we did, like the time we went to KFC to gorge on comfort food in the middle of the afternoon, he was always visibly uncomfortable. Who wants to sit across from someone who looks like he'd be more at ease in a dentist's chair with the sound of drilling ringing in his ears? The first time, I was already at the pub, and I texted him to come and meet me.

I don't believe in outing, and I don't think every gay person has to wear a rainbow banner or shout "I'm gay! It's the hiding and the lying that I object to, particularly in the absence of the threat of physical harm for being gay.

To this day, I regret being that engaged man's accomplice in deceit.




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