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Many have family who are simply too caught up in their own lives to make time for them.

I was reminded of this by a poignant letter in this paper recently.

One ride out to the seaside for tea and scones once a month, in return for a helping hand with the school fees? She has told me quite emphatically that any grandchildren will be ‘trained’ to look after me ‘when I’m old’ (I’m 76, and enormously flattered she still considers me youthful).

She also says I’m welcome to move in with them whenever I need to. But this, sadly, in our country, is an antiquated view.

On this particular morning, the taxi controller had remembered it was this lady’s 80th birthday at the weekend.‘Is your daughter taking you somewhere nice for lunch? The pained look on her face gave him his answer.‘Maybe,’ she said. One in ten over-65s feels chronically lonely all the time, yet most suffer in silence, through fear of appearing a nuisance.

More often than not, these are not old people cut off from their families or left alone without surviving relatives.

Pamela Qualter, reader in developmental psychology at The University of Central Lancashire (UCLan) is one of the UK’s leading experts in child and adolescent loneliness.

If they’re lucky they are ‘invited’ (often months ahead) to a meal or gathering, where they’re largely ignored, as children and grandchildren alike barely look up from their phones.

One 60-year-old described how she delivered birthday presents to her grandchildren — and was barely acknowledged. It wasn’t always thus: growing up in the Fifties, I may not have always looked forward to the obligatory weekly family get-together — either sitting round a coal fire in my grandmother’s modest kitchen, or sat on stiff- backed horsehair chairs in the ‘front room’ — but I always went and I always behaved myself.

Now our children are placing their parents squarely at the bottom of their priority list in their busy lives. They daren’t suggest or guide, never utter a direct or ‘tactless’ word. You mustn’t say a word.’I’ve witnessed polished women, the sort who might have gone to finishing school, smiling feebly as their grandchildren piggishly shovel food into their mouths, wipe their noses on their hands and vandalise furniture.

They just keep quiet.‘You’re always walking on egg-shells,’ one 75-year-old grandmother explained to me, during a pre-granddaughter ‘pep talk’. They’re so grateful to be invited they ‘daren’t say anything’.




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