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Expressions of disgust or contempt on the face of another person give rise to feelings of shame.

Such images of empathic connection have become common wisdom in the counseling profession.

When counselors recognize that empathy hurts, they pay attention not only to how the client’s conflicts make sense in terms of past disappointments and injuries, but also to how these conflicts continue to play out both in the therapeutic relationship and, more important, throughout the client’s life.

To effectively work with the emergence of the client’s painful conflicts and the reenactment of these conflicts with the counselor requires that we see these disruptions as opportunities to identify and reclaim lost parts of the self and, ultimately, as therapeutic consequences of deep empathy.

It is the belief that something is fundamentally wrong with us that may not be remediable.

Even more disturbing is the fear that the counselor might view with revulsion these profoundly flawed parts of the client’s self.

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